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How To Make Love

fergflash:

madehimsaycomfychairs:

halffizzbin:

cricketandperv:

violetsunnyklaus:

About seven years ago, all my friends my age got married. And about three years after that, they all started having babies, which set into motion the idea that eventually they’re gonna have to talk about sex to their kids. And that just freaks me out. I have cats—they were broken, but now they’re fixed—so I don’t have to worry about this. However, if I had the opportunity to suddenly be confronted by my son as a young man asking me for advice about sex… with girls… this is what I would say.

One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay. (Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)

Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.

Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.

Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.

Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own. (Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)

Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.

Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.

Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.

Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.

Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.

Love, Dad.

This guy’s writing is fantastic. And also OMG STAR WARS.

Holy shit this is literally all you need to know.

THIS IS AWESOME

I was going to reblog this anyway because it’s pretty fantastic…and then I got to the Star Wars reference. And it became a perfect post.

(Source: marleetargaryen)

passionsanddevotions: nirearien: queersuperteens: chuubey: lil-miss-choc: bonerack: princessnecrophilia: weeaboo-chan: vhscars: protest-resources: 50 Shades of Abuse Flyer - Canada Use, redistribute, print.  Click image and magnify for large version. Okay. I understood all the flack Twilight got for being an abusive relationship. Because it was and it was being read by a very young and impressionable audience. But ffs, 50 Shades is an ADULT NOVEL. Iit is about a BDSM couple. Which - newsflash - do exist. It is a completely consensual form of dominate/submissive sex play. The whole concept of domestic violence and abuse is that one side exerts control over an unwilling victim. I don’t recall Anastasia, or whatever she’s called, protesting to Christian’s form of sex. If I remember correctly, she quite enjoyed it! So before you condemn a work of romanticizedfiction, actually consider it’s audience and remember that they are mature and capable enough to know the difference between reality and fiction. so i guess you didn’t read the parts where he coerces her and the part where he continues after she has used her safeword and acts like a fucking creep whenever they aren’t having sex it is the worst possible introduction to BDSM i could imagine i know my shit okay im hoping the people defending this book are 1. never getting into BDSM 2. not currently into BDSM 3. havent read the book bc i dont want to believe anyone is that fucking stupid Let me just fucking drop some fucking knowledge on you right now. Wanna know the BDSM mantra? Safe, sane, consensual. So let me explain why this book was devoid of all three of these things. Safe - In the first few chapters of the novel, Christian Grey tracks Ana’s cell phone to find her at a club. Takes her home when she’s drunk, changes her when she’s so intoxicated she doesn’t remember him doing so,and informs her he will be keeping tabs on her for her own benefit. This is not the behaviour of a respectable Dominant. This is the behaviour of a power hungry, abusive asshole who really can’t take no for an answer. Sane - One of the most important parts of BDSM is aftercare. Scenes can be extremely traumatizing and intense for the submissive. Aftercare is anything from petting to cuddling to holding to sweet talking, whatever degree of gentleness a bottom would need to pull them out of “subspace”. How does Christian provide aftercare? He submits Ana to a traumatizing first time spanking experience AND THEN FUCKING LEAVES. AND GETS MAD THAT SHE DIDN’T TELL HIM SHE WAS UPSET. He’s the one who should fucking know better! That, again, is not the act of a responsible Dominant. It’s the act of a selfish abuser. Consensual - Did I mention he undressed her when she was belligerently drunk? Tracked her phone to locate her? He also buys her a new car despite her saying no countless times. Now, consent is important for any kind of sexual activity at all. Consent means informed, consent means enthusiastic. Informed, enthusiastic consent. This is crucial in a BDSM setting. Scenes can be extremely intense, especially for the bottom. What is Christian’s form of obtaining consent? Handing Ana a fucking contract highlighting all the things he wants to do her asshole and asking her to sign it. She was a virgin (Don’t even get me fucking started.) who had never before been exposed to BDSM. Entering in that kind of relationship takes a gargantuan amount of trust and knowledge so you know exactly what you’re getting into. Not reading a list of kinks on a piece of paper and signing your rights to say no away. Christian didn’t offer her resources, he didn’t offer her information. He gave her an ultimatum. That is not the sort of consent a responsible Dom/me would seek from their submissive. Fuck. This. book. It’s written in a shitty way, it’s a terrible example of a BDSM relationship (ask anybody already involved in the lifestyle and watch them go blue in the face just thinking about it), which is already faced with enough prejudice and misunderstand, and it romanticizes and glorifies abuse. And this post is going into my bookmarks, because it is beautiful. HEY LOOK EVERYTHING I HATE ABOUT 50 SHADES SERIES IN ONE ooo, someone actually broke down the Safe Sane Consensual thing and how 50 Shades DOESN’T EVEN TOUCH IT WITH A 10 FOOT POLE. def reblogging. Reblogging this again because it explains what I hate most about 50 Shades. The laughably horrendous writing is bad enough. But this is the worse thing. I haven’t even read this book. But from the parts I’ve seen it’s obvious that the above statement is completely accurate. BDSM relationship? Yes, good. Do what you will. But do it SAFELY motherfuckers. Seriously. I hate that people read this book and think it depicts a realistic, healthy D/s relationship … 
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passionsanddevotions:

nirearien:

queersuperteens:

chuubey:

lil-miss-choc:

bonerack:

princessnecrophilia:

weeaboo-chan:

vhscars:

protest-resources:

50 Shades of Abuse Flyer - Canada

Use, redistribute, print. 

Click image and magnify for large version.

Okay. I understood all the flack Twilight got for being an abusive relationship. Because it was and it was being read by a very young and impressionable audience. But ffs, 50 Shades is an ADULT NOVEL. Iit is about a BDSM couple. Which - newsflash - do exist. It is a completely consensual form of dominate/submissive sex play. The whole concept of domestic violence and abuse is that one side exerts control over an unwilling victim. I don’t recall Anastasia, or whatever she’s called, protesting to Christian’s form of sex. If I remember correctly, she quite enjoyed it! So before you condemn a work of romanticizedfiction, actually consider it’s audience and remember that they are mature and capable enough to know the difference between reality and fiction.

so i guess you didn’t read the parts where he coerces her and the part where he continues after she has used her safeword and acts like a fucking creep whenever they aren’t having sex

it is the worst possible introduction to BDSM i could imagine

i know my shit okay

im hoping the people defending this book are 1. never getting into BDSM 2. not currently into BDSM 3. havent read the book bc i dont want to believe anyone is that fucking stupid

Let me

just

fucking

drop

some fucking

knowledge on you right now.

Wanna know the BDSM mantra? Safe, sane, consensual.

So let me explain why this book was devoid of all three of these things.

Safe - In the first few chapters of the novel, Christian Grey tracks Ana’s cell phone to find her at a club. Takes her home when she’s drunk, changes her when she’s so intoxicated she doesn’t remember him doing so,and informs her he will be keeping tabs on her for her own benefit. This is not the behaviour of a respectable Dominant. This is the behaviour of a power hungry, abusive asshole who really can’t take no for an answer.

Sane - One of the most important parts of BDSM is aftercare. Scenes can be extremely traumatizing and intense for the submissive. Aftercare is anything from petting to cuddling to holding to sweet talking, whatever degree of gentleness a bottom would need to pull them out of “subspace”. How does Christian provide aftercare? He submits Ana to a traumatizing first time spanking experience AND THEN FUCKING LEAVES. AND GETS MAD THAT SHE DIDN’T TELL HIM SHE WAS UPSET. He’s the one who should fucking know better! That, again, is not the act of a responsible Dominant. It’s the act of a selfish abuser.

Consensual - Did I mention he undressed her when she was belligerently drunk? Tracked her phone to locate her? He also buys her a new car despite her saying no countless times. Now, consent is important for any kind of sexual activity at all. Consent means informed, consent means enthusiastic. Informed, enthusiastic consent. This is crucial in a BDSM setting. Scenes can be extremely intense, especially for the bottom. What is Christian’s form of obtaining consent? Handing Ana a fucking contract highlighting all the things he wants to do her asshole and asking her to sign it. She was a virgin (Don’t even get me fucking started.) who had never before been exposed to BDSM. Entering in that kind of relationship takes a gargantuan amount of trust and knowledge so you know exactly what you’re getting into. Not reading a list of kinks on a piece of paper and signing your rights to say no away. Christian didn’t offer her resources, he didn’t offer her information. He gave her an ultimatum. That is not the sort of consent a responsible Dom/me would seek from their submissive.

Fuck. This. book. It’s written in a shitty way, it’s a terrible example of a BDSM relationship (ask anybody already involved in the lifestyle and watch them go blue in the face just thinking about it), which is already faced with enough prejudice and misunderstand, and it romanticizes and glorifies abuse.

And this post is going into my bookmarks, because it is beautiful.

HEY LOOK EVERYTHING I HATE ABOUT 50 SHADES SERIES IN ONE

ooo, someone actually broke down the Safe Sane Consensual thing and how 50 Shades DOESN’T EVEN TOUCH IT WITH A 10 FOOT POLE.

def reblogging.

Reblogging this again because it explains what I hate most about 50 Shades. The laughably horrendous writing is bad enough. But this is the worse thing. I haven’t even read this book. But from the parts I’ve seen it’s obvious that the above statement is completely accurate.

BDSM relationship? Yes, good. Do what you will.

But do it SAFELY motherfuckers. Seriously. I hate that people read this book and think it depicts a realistic, healthy D/s relationship … 

What happened last summer

lacigreen:

I can’t help but notice bout after bout of chaotic uproar on Tumblr, the most intense of which was my own experience last summer.  I can really only take so much more of this before I vomit all over my computer.

For starters, I disagree with Tyler Oakley’s “Why Diversity Sucks” video posted 5 years ago. 

image

No. No. And no.  I very much think that diversity is extremely important — and I’ve expressed this on numerous occasions in my videos. 

image

What I don’t give a fuck about is witch hunts and hate campaigns against fellow Tumblr users.  (Well…I do actually give a fuck, I just wish I didn’t have to.) Unprecedented amounts of vitriol, bullying, and harassment are not okay, yet it is very much a reality for YouTubers like myself who grew up on camera, for people who blog about substantive, high-stake topics on Tumblr, and people who speak up about social problems.

I’ve found that Tumblr can be more cruel and hateful than any other part of the internet I live on, and that is saying something.  The internet isn’t always kind to women.  Being immersed in a hateful environment causes psychological turbulence, depression, and self-hate in peoples’ every day lives.  For anyone affected.  It’s a real problem that many people on Tumblr don’t seem to understand goes two ways.  It’s a reality that much of my time on Tumblr is spent feeling like I’m walking on eggshells in an abusive relationship, which is NOT OKAY.  Last summer, my partner and I had to move into a new apartment because of stalking, threats of rape, and violence from Tumblr users.  Please take a moment to think about what that seriously fucking means.  Again: this sort of behavior NOT OKAY.  I cannot stress enough how NOT OKAY this is.  

My situation is an unfortunately extreme example of an ongoing problem we have here on the Tumblrsphere.  It’s unfortunate that it happened and it’s unfortunate that the same stuff continues to happen.  I’m going to attempt to characterize this problem because I feel it needs to be discussed.  It’s really hard for me to discuss publicly, and I haven’t done it much, because it’s scary for me and past attempts have opened me up to more harassment.  But a level-headed conversation about this problem really needs to happen.  We need to talk about what’s going on here, and to find better ways to handle these situations. 

WITCH HUNTS
I’m going to call this behavior a “witch hunt”.  A witch hunt is a shared moral outrage over a community member’s fuckup that is followed by hunting and figuratively burning them at the stake.  

The context I’m referring to in this article is very particular: when a well-intentioned figure says or does something that is really not okay, often, it seems, in their past.  Racism, sexism, transphobia; using the t-word, saying diversity isn’t important, slut shaming women.  Bad not okay things.

image

And then it begins.  

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Laci explaining why we can’t have nice things. :(

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